( Photograph taken by post author, Flaco )
A very true statement indeed. From heads of state to trashmen. From kings and queens to court jesters and clowns. People hurting, is as natural, and consistent, as the sun rising. Feelings of immortality, and indestructabilty, are most certainly not; natural feelings. It is not, the sad people we observe, and ponder : "How do they do that?;" but rather the overtly happy ones. That stands out more. Larger than life, get noticed.
My Bipolar diagnosis began when i was 20, in post-adolescence. I am now 35. I had a lot on my table in my 1st year of my music school. Upon coming to the MDJunction Bipolar support group, I noticed a plethora of people with a very similiar diagnosis story, as mine. Early in post-adolescence, with the demanding grind of the 1st year of college, creating a frenzied pace with little sleep. Meeting an overwhelming amount of people, while keeping up an exhausting pace, the likes of which hadn't been seen for somebody, until that point in their life, takes it up a notch.
In therapy for so long, my woes and hurt, were the topic du jour, and nothing was out of the ordinary. When magically, one day, all of them were gone, that was, out of the ordinary. Not normal. The other side. Manic. I felt indestructable. That's when we got the inkling that I was Bipolar. One visit later to a doctor, and it was confirmed.
My story is in the form of a poem... I hope that's okay. This is my life with bipolar 2 mood swings.
All they see is me….
When I feel you coming
it is like a tidal wave that slaps my face,
and captures my breath.
I can’t run from you, I can not hide.
I have to face you,
as if I am in a field
and I am being hunted.
When I have been captured
it is disabling.
You take possession of my soul.
You rob me of myself,
and my thoughts.
I take on your feelings
and your judgment.
No matter how grisly it is,
I am forced to cope with it.
You drive me to be your abettor,
in all the shameless acts
that you perform.
You leave my loved ones to
pick up the ruins, when you
have had enough and gone.
When you depart,
I am left crumbling
with little explanation.
I am weak and I am drained.
I have nothing left to put forward.
All you cause is pain and heartache.
I try to hide you from the world
and detest it when
you suddenly peer around the corner.
The majority of the world has never met you.
Some are intrigued,
most despise you,
and the rest
are worried by your presence.
You are a part of me,
and I am accepting that now.
Not everyone is that willing.
I can not seem to control you,
no matter how hard I try.
For now, I just need to live with you.
I am not sure if
live with us both.
Not many see you
for who you truly are.
All they see is me.
- Submitted by Lindsey
They were putting on a stupid celebration in the park (you know - one of those festivals designed to do nothing but empty your pockets) and I stopped to watch a bunch of kids all dressed up in reindeer costumes singing on stage. I was listening to the words they were singing and realized that one of my favorite songs from childhood is nothing but a verbal beat-down on people who are different...
You've got a kid that's a complete and total social reject because of a physical deformity with which he was born; nothing he can help. (Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose; and if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows).
The other kids exclude him, make fun of him, and mock him (All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names; they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games)...
UNTIL..... the "poor" reject kid gets thrown into a situation in which, due to the nature of his disability, he's the only person able to perform a certain task (Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say "Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?").
LO AND BEHOLD, the disabled kid's suddenly the MAN OF THE HOUR - and due to his new-found fame, finds himself with all the other kids riding his coat-tails (Then all the reindeer loved him, and they shouted out with glee, "Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you'll go down in history!").
WHAT??? Are you fucking kidding me? This is socially acceptable folklore? We, as a society have the balls to encourage our children to buy into the notion that unless they're inherently USEFUL, it's perfectly acceptable to make a mockery of the disabled members of society?
I don't see anything in there about the other reindeer APOLOGIZING to Rudolph, do you?
Now I know why everyone calls ME on drunk-karaoke night... They're using me for my
What's so merry about bumper to bumper traffic, retail stores all decked out with tacky decorations covered in glitter (I don't care if they ARE made by the children at Meeting Street School - they're still ugly), screaming children who are obviously out of the control of their oblivious parents and the same 'ol same 'ol carols blaring out of every speaker you pass??? Nothing merry about any of that to me.
Kicking off my BAH HUMBUG series, here's my first gripe about the holiday season:
Retail Clerks - BAH HUMBUG!!!!!
If ONE MORE fraudulent well-wishing retail clerk proclaims "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Holidays!" to me, I think I'll explode.
And why is it that the other 11 months out of the year, I can't get ONE of these asswipes to acknowledge my royal presence, yet during the holiday season, they all feel the urge to be my close buddy??? Gimme a break. They must be working on commission.
Merry Friggin' Christmas... grumble grumble.