Too Much Stuff Going On

Yup. There's just TOO MUCH stuff going on. Not in my life, *sigh*, but on this blog.  Oh yeah. WAYYYYYYY too much stuff. Something's gotta give. 

This page looks like an explosion of a Mardi Gras float carrying 73 beauty pageant contestants who just purged a bucket of Skittles.  I'm used to chaos & mayhem, but this is taking it way too far.



Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Ever Get The Feeling You're Being Followed?

It's been quite a while since my last post; let me tell you why...
I've officially been stalked for the first time online. In fact, it's the first time I've ever been stalked, period.

As many of you know, I belong to an online support group. Like most support groups, "flaming" in general forums is frowned upon. Thankfully, this group has a thread dedicated to strong opinions, which is appropriately named "The Opinions Page".  This is where the group members can go to post if we have an issue with another member or something they said, general rants, or posts with extra strong language or adult content.
The idea is that if members of the group can confront each other openly and each side is able to say EXACTLY what they'd like to say, uncensored, they can get it off their chest and out of their system so it doesn't interfere with the group dynamics in the general threads. 
But SOME of the time, a member will come into the Opinions Page and voice their disdain about what's being said, the swearing, the name calling, blah blah blahbitty blah. Oh - let me back up for a sec and tell you that there is a HUGE BRIGHT RED WARNING on the very first page of the thread that warns readers/members that they will run into material that is potentially offensive; if they can't handle it, they should turn around and not enter. It also says if they don't turn around but instead decide to enter anyway, they should keep their moral superiority and holier-than-thou attitudes to themselves and just shut the fuck up - they were warned... So like I was saying, every once in a while we'll run into some d-bag who finds it necessary to play judge and jury; they are offended by the content of the thread.  Frankly, I'm offended that they find it offensive - they should be smart enough to heed the warning.  And being the delicate flower I am, I usually have no problem at all letting these jackasses know what I think about their intrusion and it usually includes a few F-bombs as well as a few scattered  "asshole", "douchebag", "dickhead", "dumbass"... "_____________" (insert your own taboo word here - I'm sure I've used it), and definitely a few words that I can't even elude to (just in case my mother reads this).  Usually, the saint either leaves the thread with head hung low (knowing they ignored the warning) or tell me to go fuck myself and we become quick friends... Like I said - USUALLY. But I had a run-in with an extra defensive, insecure, passive-aggressive, self centered moronic individual a few weeks ago...
Apparently, somebody didn't approve of how I handle my business in the "Opinions" thread. As a result, he has been LITERALLY stalking me online. He has been to EVERY SINGLE social network, blog, blog sharing network, article - EVERYTHING I'm a member of, everything I've posted, every blog & article I've ever written. He's left nasty dehumanizing comments and horrible ratings and reviews...
This douchebag left me ratings like 0.1 (on a scale of 1-10) and was bringing down my averages to numbers so low that I've been forced to open new accounts, change emails & screen names - the whole 9 yards... or "yaahds" for those of u who know me LOL)
So bottom line is that I've been refraining from posting ANYTHING ANYWHERE so I could get my shit straight while attempting to get rid of him.
I finally threatened to sic the internet crimes people on him, and I think he's stopped. (PUSSY...) A lot of the reviews he left are deleted now - I'm not sure if HE deleted them or if the sites that I complained to did, but either way, I'm satisfied.
YEAH - I'M STILL PISSED. But at least he's not stalking me anymore (or I don't THINK so anyway)!

So I can get back to brass tacks... thanks for the concerned messages - I can't believe you even noticed my absence. Wait - are you stalking me too?? GULP!

Semantics, Hypocrisy & Other Things On My Mind

Bear with me folks... I am a smidge manic today (I know - you're shocked.)

I've been attempting to decide which of the 98 1/2 subjects zipping through my head I'd like to talk about, but I can't settle firmly on one...

Therefore, I will be making brief statements about a few different things today...


1. Is it just me, or is anyone else's curiosity piqued as to why we can't buy a 50 Cent CD at Wal-Mart because he raps about guns, but what you CAN buy at Wal-Mart is a GUN?


2. I'm thinking that if your bedtime is "Tuesday", there's a good chance you may be bipolar.


3. I really for the life of me CANNOT UNDERSTAND why some people get so bent out of shape about how their Bipolar Disorder is referenced in relation to them as a person.  Is there a collossal difference between "I AM bipolar" and "I HAVE Bipolar" ???  I submit that no, there is not.  Use your valuable breath to talk about something that actually matters, like the fact that Baby Ruth bars only have about 45% of the nuts they used to have, or that a seven year old committed suicide -

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT SUBJECT....

WARNING!*TRIGGERS* WARNING!

WARNING!*TRIGGERS* WARNING! 

4. A seven year old Iranian boy committed suicide. Yeah. A SEVEN YEAR OLD.  When I read the article which talks about the boy's self inflicted death, I literally became sick. A SEVEN YEAR OLD.... it makes one think, does it not?

But here's the kicker folks; the powers that be are (of course) blaming the media.

An excerpt from the article, which was published on Medical News Today:

This seems to be the first case of attempted copycat suicide in a child under 10 years old. Exposure to suicidal behaviour in the media has been strongly linked to copycat suicide attempts but never in someone so young. This case warns of the potential danger to young people who are exposed to suicide even when it is fictional, and exposes the previously ignored role of attention deficit and impulsive behavioral traits on suicide...

I'm not sure what I think about a 7 year old hanging himself, and the media being faulted... but I'd be really interested in hearing from anyone who DOES know what they think about it.  The jury is still out on that one for me.

You can get the full article here: 
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/138177.php


It's sad, sad, news.....

Where Am I Going???

If all the world is indeed a stage, my director needs to be fired.

UGH... Flu

Hi everyone - Just stopping in to apologize for my lack of posts in the past couple of days... I've been sick as a dog (flu I think) and just haven't had the strength to even  type...                                                                              

 I do feel a bit better today, and I'm going to attempt to keep some soup down. If I can manage THAT, I'll be back to business as usual later this evening.

Oh - one more thing: I noticed that when I am not feeling well physically, my mood seems to go to baseline. I'm not manic, depressed or mixed... I'd actually feel good if I felt good... Ha Ha  

I wonder if there's any research having to do with this subject. If anyone has information about this, I'd be very interested in hearing it - please let me know - I'm real interested in finding out if there's any relationship between feeling sick physically, but well mentally.

See you all later!   

And speaking of spontaneous regurgitation...

Why, why why why... Oh Jesus Christ - why? WHY am I (and everyone else with bipolar) looked at with contempt and charged with intent when I show symptoms?  If I say that I'm depressed, people roll their eyes and say "Great. Her bipolar's back. Just great. Pfft!" then edge away from me as if they think I'm about to feed on them.

 I wonder...If I had cancer, would they get angry at me and say "Great, the tumor's back" ...? 

Visions of Sugarplums (smashed on the wall)

Kicking off my BAH HUMBUG series, here's my first gripe about the holiday season:

Retail Clerks - BAH HUMBUG!!!!!


If ONE MORE fraudulent well-wishing retail clerk proclaims "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Holidays!" to me, I think I'll explode.

What's so merry about bumper to bumper traffic, retail stores all decked out with tacky decorations covered in glitter (I don't care if they ARE made by the children at Meeting Street School - they're still ugly), screaming children who are obviously out of the control of their oblivious parents and the same 'ol same 'ol carols blaring out of every speaker you pass??? Nothing merry about any of that to me.

And why is it that the other 11 months out of the year, I can't get ONE of these asswipes to acknowledge my royal presence, yet during the holiday season, they all feel the urge to be my close buddy??? Gimme a break. They must be working on commission.

Merry Friggin' Christmas... grumble grumble.

Living in Technicolor

We're always telling people to share their feelings... "Don't be ashamed," we say, "Having bipolar disorder is not shameful and it's not your fault!" However... those of us that stick to that line of reasoning and start talking to others about our disorder are still a problem for the general public. AARRGGHH!! Damned if you do, and damned it you don't. Some douchebags take issue with people who DO publically share the knowledge that they are mentally ill. Especially those who announce it for all to hear (like me!) .

There have been many accusations chucked at me, but the most frequently used accusation (by a landslide) is “You’re an attention seeker”. What the general population doesn’t know is that THIS attention seeker went through ten years of hellish episodes and denial, denial, denial before I accepted that something was mentally wrong with me. The reason for the denial??? I thought I was an attention seeker. Ha! And I thought all my problems were so insignificant that if I did try to get help, the doctors would laugh at me and say "Do you need a little attention ? Ha Ha Ha"...

I have always been fairly open. The VERY DAY I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, Rapid Cycling with Mixed States, I went out with my friends and told EVERYONE IN SIGHT! What I was seeking was general reassurance, naturally. (DUH!) I know that left to my own devices, I would have self-destructed. I openly discuss my mental illness because I'm working on SELF PRESERVATION; NOT ATTENTION! Jackasses.

Another reason I am open (especially now) about this is because I don’t want people like me to be tarred and feathered, then labeled "seekers of attention". Manic depression is an illness, like diabetes; like any incurable disease that needs to be treated ... There's just something about mental illness that makes the general population blink from the glare and look the other way. We are falsely accused - we're told "You're bringing this on yourself" or that we're doing something to cause ourselves to spend all our money, talk really fast, not sleep, not eat, fight with everybody, cry, think of dying... Yeah - you're right "Einstein"... all of that stuff is something I love so much that I intentionally bring it into my life... Asshole.

Bipolar, as you probably already know, is something that's difficult to explain. BUT IF MY EXPLANATION HELPS JUST ONE PERSON TO UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THIS DISORDER AS A REALITY, THEN I'LL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE EXPLAINING IT!

There’s more to this than documentaries interviewing fuzzy haired artists. And more than the mental wards you see on 20/20 or 60 Minutes. It isn’t all crying in your bed, sitting, being mentally ill. Nor is it running down the streets half dressed (although I have done a fair amount of that, too). Our life revolves around taking medication and coping with the problems that go along with it.. Pills for the Mentally Interesting have pretty tragic side effects. I really don’t blame people when they go off their meds.. It seems to me that they'd prefer going insane over having side effects like the dreaded Lamictal rash from the pills they're taking. I've been tempted to throw the little fuckers down the toilet too!

But because of the hundreds of thousands of banner-waving depressives, boasting about their “meds” and wearing t-shirts listing their mental problems, people get nervous about it and put it on their politically correct list of "Things You Must Never Talk About". They raise their eyebrows. "Taking medication & mentioning it means you’re proud" they say. You’re showing off. You’re oh-so-fucked up.

Well, I've got news... I have a label for YOU too: "IGNORANT" How DARE they put a label on me?? I'm not a fucking dress on a rack at Macy's... I'M HUMAN!!! (I just live in technicolor while they have to settle for a black & white world)