Darwinism and Say Whaaaaattttt?

By Kim Shannon on 6:47 PM

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I am the kind of person who lives by the motto "I'll believe it when I see it".  Because of my limited range of trust, I have always been skeptical of the whole Jesus, Mary & Joseph thing. I never believed that Noah had a boat stuffed with animals, and I serious doubted that J.C. rose after 3 days... Even with the technological and medical advances we've made since then, we still can't manage to magically raise the dead. That's some David Blaine shit. The thing is, I may have discovered a hole in Darwin's theory of evolution by natural selection because there is absolutely no way that the guy I had the misfortune of meeting today online is of the same species as the rest of us. Sorry Charles - you fucked up and missed something - like I said, this guy can't possibly be of the same species. During a heated game of online poker at Full Tilt Poker , the aforementioned  cretin actually spewed this tidbit of verbal sludge - "Hey Danger, you're  pretty hot. Wanna meet in a private room and have a little fun?" 

Say whaaaaaaat?  

For those of you who aren't familiar with the site, this is what I look like on Full Tilt:

YUP.... I'm a friggin' cartoon character. A cute cartoon character, but a cartoon character nonetheless. There must be some kind of animation fetish that I'm not aware of... Ew. So when this caveman asks me if I'd like to meet in a private room, my first reaction is to throw up in my mouth a little bit. My second reaction is to consider the proposition. Would I like to meet him in a private room for some "fun"??  Hmmmm.....
No. Absolutely not. In fact, I can't think of anything I'd rather do less. 
I can, however, think of things I'd rather do more...
- I'd rather gargle with broken glass.
- I'd rather drink a tabasco and shit smoothie.
- I'd rather eat a popsicle made of hobo drool.
- I'd rather straddle a running sand belt.
- I'd rather watch Gary Busey dance in the nude.
- I'd rather try to stop a lawn mower blade with my tongue.
- I'd rather jump into a lion's den wearing a catnip suit.
- I'd rather fall asleep on a killer ant hill covered in kool aid.
So thanks to "creepy poker game guy", I guess I need to rethink my position on Darwinism.

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