First Things First:
As you can see, I am back to business - my blog is free & clear of those infuriating photobucket images which were plastered on my pages like makeup on Pammy Anderson... (and let me add that this was through no fault of my own - of course. Nothing ever is.)
Moving on... here's what's happening in my neck of the asylum:
I've been thinking lately about change. More specifically, I've been thinking about changes I've made and asking myself whether or not they've been worth the friggin effort.
Kim: Self, have the efforts I made been worth it?
Self: I'm not sure, Kim. What makes you ask?
Kim: Well, I was thinking that maybe it was easier when I was fucked up - at least I was oblivious to reality. Reality sucks.
Self: Happy is as happy does, Kim.
Kim: Thanks Forrest. And fuck you.
As you can see, conversations with myself rarely turn out well.
Before I discovered the wonderful world of meds, I behaved badly (I make the girls from Absolutely Fabulous look like nuns) but I FELT happy... Seeing things clearly and behaving like a good girl ain't so grand - it's unbearably boring; the world tends to be ugly and people tend to be shit. I wanna be crazy again so the world is just a kaleidoscope and everything is easy, breezy, beautiful; Crazy Girl.
Why would I want sanity when the other side of the coin is so much shinier?
Attainable Affirmations (as published at pendulum.org)
**As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
**I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
**I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
**I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
**In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
**Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
**As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
**I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
**Joan of Arc heard voices, too.
**I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
**When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
**The first step is to say nice things about myself.
**The second, to do nice things for myself.
**The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
**As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
**I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
**Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
**Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute... I'll find someone.
**I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
**I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
Kim: What do you think about that, Self?
Self: Only crazy people talk to themselves Kim.
12 minutes ago