WARNING: HEARTLESS MOCKERY AHEAD!If you are a bleeding heart softie who feels sorry for the underdog even if the underdog is an aggressive beast with beady eyes and rabies, this is not the post for you, and you should turn on your heels and get the fuck out of here. If you choose to keep reading, that's fine too. Just know that my goal is to publicly discredit, humiliate and embarrass, so.... you've been warned. You big pussy, you.
A couple of days ago I had the shit luck of finding a video on YouTube entitled "Preventing Bipolar Mania Naturally". The title alone told me that this video would piss me off, but I'm always up for a challenge, so I began watching. I could not believe some of the things I saw and heard, but I was powerless to stop watching.
At about 8 minutes in, I heard a strange sound and realized that I had been punching myself in the face.
The author of the aforementioned video is a crazy person. Not crazy like "That's what she thinks? If she believes THAT she's crazy!" Nooooo... no no no. She's a whole different kind of crazy. She's the "sneak into your room at night and watch you sleep while she smells your shirts and cuts the eyes out of all your teddy bears" kind of crazy.
SFJane claims that not only is bipolar "not real" but that she had bipolar and cured it. Do you see a problem here already kiddies? Yeah. Me too. I won't give it away for you, but this broad says some things that will make even a bipolar skeptic say "Well THAT doesn't sound right....." and rub his chin in that creepy way skeptics rub their chin.
I took issue with a plethora of things that splattered on me during her verbal shitstorm, so I commented on YouTube that she should get herself an education.
She replied, in what I have now come to know as her usual cuntified way, but has since blocked me from commenting back. I have taken that as a challenge; one which I intend to WIN right now. So grab your popcorn kiddies, because the feature presentation is about to begin. ..... roll film.
I want to thank you from the bottom of the middle finger I'm holding up for making this so easy for me. The insults practically write themselves! I was subjected to your massacre of the truth for over a fucking hour, now you can endure my uncensored character assassination which, by the way, is totally justified. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
**The opinions stated here are those of MYSELF and do not represent the thoughts or opinions of assholes like YOU, who should do us all a favor and go play "Let's Drink What's Under The Kitchen Sink".
Why You've Officially Been Named Douchebag Of The Day
1. You are a coward. Your asinine opinion makes me want to snack on live powerlines but I will defend until my death your right to speak your mind uncensored. You obviously do not feel the same way, because you blocked my comments on YouTube. How do you stand up so straight without a spine?
2. You speak in a creepy Madonna-esque dialect. Listen; you can't fool anyone unless you're consistent. "MEM-WAHHR" or "MEM-HWAH"?? Pick one. And stick to it. On a scale of 1 - 10, you're an idiot.
3. You are redundant. You say the same thing over and over again and you repeat yourself alot. Many times, you say the same exact thing you already said and you'll also keep saying that same word and you repeat it a lot. And you repeat yourself. (sarcasm there... learn it. love it. suck it.)
4. You quote directly from a thesaurus. When you AREN'T being redundant, you sometimes manage to spit out some pretty impressive words, but if you want people to believe they didn't come directly from Mirriam-Webster's, it's probably a good idea to TAKE THEM OUT OF ALPHABETICAL ORDER FIRST. Duh. Did the little hamster in your head fall off its wheel again?
5. Nothing you say is factual. Over the entire span of the 28 minute video, you only managed to make 2 points. And both of them are underwhelming and inaccurate. You think you are an inspiration? You are! If what you're trying to inspire is pity. *sigh* Soooo many freaks, not nearly enough circuses.
5. You say that you can't get intelligent conversation from a bipolar person. Intelligence? Intelligence????? The most intelligent snippet of wisdom I witnessed in your entire 28 minute festival of delusions was somewhere near the 5:10 marker. You said "I beat my mania when there were slowages at work. SLOWAGES?? REALLY? C'mon. A fetus could tell you that 'slowages' isn't a word. But just to be certain, I looked it up. In 3 different dictionaries. All of them had the same results.... 'word not found' but they did recommend another word...
Yes, I DID mean sewage. And slag. Yes, I did. Thank you, dictionary.com, thesaurus.com and mirriamwebster.com for that correction.
6. You say that you cured yourself of SCHIZ-EE-OH-AFFECTIVE disorder. SchizEEEoaffective. Jane, If you can't SAY it, you never HAD it.
(FYI it's SKITZ-OH-AFFECTIVE. there's no ee before the oh...)
~~~Old MacDonald had a farm ~~~no ee just an oh...~~~
7. You say "we" when you mean "you"... UGH. That's worse than referring to yourself in the third person. In my experience, people who say "we" when they mean "you" are arrogant assholes who treat other people like minions in an effort to disguise their own self-loathing.
Even kindergarten teachers sound pathetic saying it.... "What do we say when someone gives us a compliment Little Johnny???" If I were little Johnny, I'd shove the nearest writing utensil up her ass, and before she could react, I'd say "But Teacher, WE like that." Then I'd strut away and say "Bada Bing! I think she got the point."
8. You are a blatant liar. Do you really expect me to believe that you've written a book about mental well being? A BOOK THAT'S BEING PUBLISHED???? I doubt you could get a PHONE NUMBER published, much less a book.
Jane, I could go on and on but I have more pleasant things to do, like shove pencils through my tongue, so I'll close this little diatribe now. But before I go, there's just one more thing:
You say that you are not depressed AT ALL anymore and that you have "found" yourself? My guess is that you found yourself crouched, wild-eyed, in the corner of a Krispy Kreme with little bits of dough and glaze stuck to your unwashed hair.
Nobody goes from THIS:
in less than a year because they are joyously celebrating how happy they are with themselves... Smells like depression to me. You reek of fear and self-doubt Jane. And if you would take a few minutes to actually SPEAK with someone living with bipolar disorder rather than ATTACK them, you might learn how to love yourself.
But I'll still hate you.
** Dear readers: If you think you can stomach it, here are 2 of this douchebag's videos which I think you will find particularly repulsive. Try and get through even 6 minutes of each one without lighting yourself on fire. It's tough, but I know you can do it! Then, if you're so inclined, leave your comment for Jane to chew on...