So it's my 4th straight day with ZERO sleep. Yeah - FOUR DAYS. I hate to go off on a tirade, but I'm going off on a tirade... (I'm not tired AT ALL, so I have enough energy to do plenty of bitching.) Although, like I said, I am not the least bit tired, my body is beginning to tell the story of my insomnia. My eyes are blurry, my skin looks sallow, there are dark circles under my eyes, and I don't give a fuck! I've been pretty manic for about a week and a half now (zoom zoom zippity zoom) and my head will not turn itself off... I don't mind too much; I'm getting stuff done.
BUT... I am WORN OUT FROM DEFENDING MYSELF TO ASSHOLES WHO JUST DON'T GET IT!
"You STILL haven't slept?" they say. "No," I tell them, "I'm just not tired - just can't sleep." They will give me that sideways glance, that disapproving look, and this is when I feel the vibe. They're about to cliche the hell out of me, or give me some unsolicited advice that I'd like to shove up their asses. "You know," they start in on their speech; "Lack of sleep is no good for you." I answer back, as calmly as I possibly can, "I know. But I just CAN'T sleep. You don't understand, so just drop the subject." Now they give me the look of impudence. "I'm just trying to look out for your best interest." they say, with a defensive tone and a look in their eye like they just found their puppy smashed into the pavement as roadkill. "I know, but don't worry about me, I'm used to this." I say (and I mean it - I really AM used to it - doesn't bother ME a bit!). "Fine. I'll mind my business" and this time their tone tells me that they think I have somehow betrayed our friendship. I can tell that they are NOT planning on minding their business, and I am manic, so now they're pissing me off. And when you piss me off (especially during mania) you had better duck and run.
I've never been one to hold my tongue and I tell them "Listen motherfucker - I've got one nerve left and you're standing on it. Back away from me , get behind the boundry line, and shut the fuck up, because I'm this close (my thumb and index finger nearly touch - just to illustrate how close I really am...) to getting really evil." And I'm not kidding - I'll smack them if I have to, but it never comes to that. It DOES usually get to the point, however, where I am red hot and ENRAGED; I'm foaming at the mouth, veins popping from my forehead and I'm shaking like Michael J. Fox from leashing my desire to hurl the nearest heavy object at their fucking intruding face. That's when they get the point and let the subject rest.
The thing is... by THAT time, it's too late - and off I go, storming away and ready to take on the first asshole who dares challenge me...
Ahhh.... the beauty of mania. Lack of sleep + nagging friends who just don't fucking understand (and never will) = a really ugly day.
Yup - today's gonna be a real vile one. But probably not for ME...