Dog Abusing Douchebag

By Kim Shannon on 11:30 AM

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I betcha you can all guess who today's douchebag is. Yup, you guessed it. Michael Vick. This assface has the NERVE to announce to the world that he will now be an animal rights advocate? Really? That's like Michael Jackson becoming a foster parent. Sickening.
*ring ring* Hello? Do you have any douchebag repellent? *click* now if I could just stop twitching...ouch...

I wouldn't let this monster get within 3 feet of my dog.

In fact, I'd rather:

** Contract Swine Flu
** Sleep with Dr. Phil (another douchebag)
** Dip my face in a vat of battery acid
** Pull my toenails off with a pair of pliers
** Shave my head
** Drink a hobo's urine
** Wear a hobo's socks
** French kiss a hobo
** Let a hobo spit in my mouth
** Rub broken glass in my eyes
** Wash my face with vomit
** Sit on Jerry Falwell's lap
** Give Pat Buchanan a massage with a happy ending
** Slice my nipples off with a serated steak knife
** Jam an ice pick into my ear canal
** Beat myself with a trout
** Have planet's axis inserted up my ass sideways with no lube,wrapped in
several layers of barbed wire and drenched in rubbing alcohol).
** Jump into a kettle of simmering tar and cardboard box full of feathers

Hey Michael Dick, I mean Vick: fuck off and die in a fire screaming, you heartless douchebag.

3 comments for this post


gee kimmi, why don't you tell us how you really feel. i would draw the line at slicing off my nipples. haha! ashley

Posted on Wednesday, May 20, 2009  

i CAN'T STOP IT EITHER, WOW - I need to know more about your rapid cycling, tell me. Mine is up and down over years but I asked my doctor that a while ago and he said it can change. Is yours always the same?

Posted on Friday, May 22, 2009  

@ Rita C: *sigh* If only it WERE always the same. No, no, no. Sometimes I cycle every couple of weeks, sometimes every couple of days and sometimes as often as every couple of hours or even minutes. Viva la mania! ugh.

Posted on Thursday, May 28, 2009  
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